Toronto is a daunting city. World leaders in business and medicine converge here in this pulsing, glittering place that is constantly teeming with life. Opportunities are abound and one is hardly ever bored. However I wonder if it is the city for me.
I am not going to lie. I feel small in this city. I feel insignificant and unable to make change. The competition is intimidating and this is slowly eroding my self-esteem. This may seem like an alarming thing to say, I don't deny that since coming here, I have found it incredibly difficult to maintain a positive mindset and to be proud of who I am because heaven knows, in my class alone, there stands individuals who have received doctorates from the likes of Oxford and in fields as mindboggling as neuroscience.
Now before one chides me for being down about myself, I bring to your attention that my feelings of inadequacy are in no way unique. Many people feel this lost, lonely feeling when coming here. And the fact of the matter is that it will take more than a self-help book and positive thinking workshop to make us feel any better. So what will it take? Personally, I am living day by day finding comfort in the fact that a lot of what I am feeling is due to time, or the lack of time in my case, to settle in and find friends. However, one can not deny that for some (perhaps myself included), time is not the issue. Some people just "don't like Toronto". It is not "their kind of city". But what does this mean? It may mean that the constant noise and pollution bothers them enough to subtract from their happiness here, but for how many is it because they cannot manage in such a cut-throat atmosphere?
For those who do not like Toronto for the latter reason, what should they do about it? Many leave I'm sure, figuring they will never find happiness here. Will time fix my dilemma? If it doesn't, should I leave Toronto, claiming that this city just doesn't agree with me? Would fleeing Toronto be a solution or a cowardly way of just giving up, to avoid fighting with the big fish in this big pond?
We are surrounded by messages like "Don't give up!", "Persevere!", and "Be strong!" If I leave Toronto because I am unhappy here, and settle into a smaller city, besides being happy having escaped from Toronto's dog-eat-dog world, I would not be in any way, a better person. A happier person perhaps, but this happiness would not be founded upon anything substantial. I can not say that I have found self-worth and self-confidence...because I didn't. I am still insecure, I am still down on myself, just in a different context like a smaller city, my weaknesses are not brought to light. This interests me because I wonder how many people's self-assurance and self-confidence would come tumbling down if they were removed from their safe environments. What does it mean to be truly happy with who you are? I fear that I won't ever be truly happy with who I am. In my case, it may just be my surroundings that dictate my level of confidence.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Thursday, December 14, 2006
Silence of the library
I have my HUGE exam tomorrow morning. I should be studying, but I am instead procrastinating by updating this blog.
I have realized a couple things.
First, I find studying at the library a strange phenomenon. There are literally 100's of students packed into a relatively small study hall with very little personal space. All are studying with the same intent in mind: to do well on exams, and almost all are strangers to one another. It just dawned on me that if an alien looked down on this group studying session, it would think that we were the most anti-social, silent beings in the universe. It is just so counter-intuitive that in a library, there are so many people around, so many people to discover, so many potential friends to be made, and yet we don't think to be social. Studying makes social rejects of us all.
Second, I have (I think) separated my self-worth from my marks. This is big step for me and though I don't know how I will do tomorrow, I do hope that I pass and don't require remediation. Either way, I think I am happy with the level of knowledge I have been able to consume this semester. My brain feels bigger!
I have realized a couple things.
First, I find studying at the library a strange phenomenon. There are literally 100's of students packed into a relatively small study hall with very little personal space. All are studying with the same intent in mind: to do well on exams, and almost all are strangers to one another. It just dawned on me that if an alien looked down on this group studying session, it would think that we were the most anti-social, silent beings in the universe. It is just so counter-intuitive that in a library, there are so many people around, so many people to discover, so many potential friends to be made, and yet we don't think to be social. Studying makes social rejects of us all.
Second, I have (I think) separated my self-worth from my marks. This is big step for me and though I don't know how I will do tomorrow, I do hope that I pass and don't require remediation. Either way, I think I am happy with the level of knowledge I have been able to consume this semester. My brain feels bigger!
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Perfect birthday
Birthdays are a great opportunity to really appreciate those who care about you most. In my class, four other people celebrated birthdays today and it wouldn't have surprised me if they went out partying and dancing the night away to celebrate. I, on the other hand, had a quiet, delicious dinner with Justine, followed by some great conversations with the people who mattered to me most.
First, my best friend Stacey called me, then my loving parents (who serenaded me with their rendition of "happy birthday"). I shall not mention Simon...(he forgot...that is until I reminded him!). And an old friend Warren called as well. It was just so wonderful hearing from these people. I value them all very much.
And just when you think there was too much love, I also should mention that I went out to dinner last weekend with Uncle Alex, Auntie Elaine, Grandma, Uncle Tak, Auntie Vienna, Carmen and Alishya to celebrate Justine and my birthday. There was so much food, ranging from lobster to Taro (both of which are my favorite foods!) I could not have asked for a more caring family. And better still...I could not have asked for more doggy bags!
First, my best friend Stacey called me, then my loving parents (who serenaded me with their rendition of "happy birthday"). I shall not mention Simon...(he forgot...that is until I reminded him!). And an old friend Warren called as well. It was just so wonderful hearing from these people. I value them all very much.
And just when you think there was too much love, I also should mention that I went out to dinner last weekend with Uncle Alex, Auntie Elaine, Grandma, Uncle Tak, Auntie Vienna, Carmen and Alishya to celebrate Justine and my birthday. There was so much food, ranging from lobster to Taro (both of which are my favorite foods!) I could not have asked for a more caring family. And better still...I could not have asked for more doggy bags!
Tuesday, November 28, 2006
Band concert
I have my band concert coming up this Saturday! It is called Riding, Sanging and Dancing. I am not sure why it is called that, ask the conductor.
But if anyone is out by University of Toronto this weekend, come on down to Hart House at 8pm.
I also have been giving music a lot of thought recently. I think I would like to take singing lessons.
But if anyone is out by University of Toronto this weekend, come on down to Hart House at 8pm.
I also have been giving music a lot of thought recently. I think I would like to take singing lessons.
Sunday, November 26, 2006
a jogging adventure
I went jogging yesterday. It was a painful experience that lasted 1 hour and 6 minutes. Now you might be saying, "Wow, Sarah, you must be so fit!" And I tell you that this is not so. Why did I jog for so long? I got lost...in a cemetery for 30 minutes...as it was getting dark. It was eerie.
A cemetery is an interesting place. When I first entered, the tombstones were grey with names like "Rogers" and "Smith" written in capital bold font and relatively little else. However, the further I got, the newer the tombstones looked and little sections of ethnic groups began to appear. I saw what would be a mini-china town, a section where all the tombstones had chinese writing and with faces engraved. No other ethnicity seems to like putting a face to the grave. It is neat how these stones reflect the changing population of a very diverse Toronto and Canada. It is neat to see how different cultures commemorate their dead.
A cemetery is an interesting place. When I first entered, the tombstones were grey with names like "Rogers" and "Smith" written in capital bold font and relatively little else. However, the further I got, the newer the tombstones looked and little sections of ethnic groups began to appear. I saw what would be a mini-china town, a section where all the tombstones had chinese writing and with faces engraved. No other ethnicity seems to like putting a face to the grave. It is neat how these stones reflect the changing population of a very diverse Toronto and Canada. It is neat to see how different cultures commemorate their dead.
Friday, November 17, 2006
asymmetry
I just found out that my left leg is 2 cm shorter than the other. The foot therapist I consulted gave me a wedge to put in my shoe. Hopefully I will no longer be limping to compensate for this difference.
I once read that physical asymmetry was a sign of hardship experienced in one's lifetime. I am quite an asymmetrical person. I wonder what I have gone through that could have physically moulded me to who I am today.
I once read that physical asymmetry was a sign of hardship experienced in one's lifetime. I am quite an asymmetrical person. I wonder what I have gone through that could have physically moulded me to who I am today.
A couple things
1) Last weekend I went to a clinical skills conference and learned a lot of new skills! I love suturing and family medicine is looking very attractive right now.
2) I then when on a wilderness medicine conference at a farm 1.5 hours away from here. It was really fun. We hiked the first night (yeah...it rained...) and got really really wet and muddy, but the warmth of the farm and the fire as we were roasting marshmellows afterwards made it really worth it. The next morning we had an ER doctor give us a workshop on wilderness medicine. It was a lot like lifeguarding actually - though I can't think of when I would ever find myself in such an extreme wilderness position as to be stranded on a mountain or in a cave somewhere! But no doubt, valuable skills learned.
3) grappling with my future in research. I don't know if I want to be a researcher. I sort of think I want to be but for the wrong reasons. And I also feel like I should start doing things I want to because I enjoy them, and not because I feel it may get me ahead.
4) Reading Vincent Lam's book that won the Giller. It is a pretty cool book so far. I have started a mini-book club with a friend of mine and we are reading through it together. I can definitely relate to it and it does pose some interesting questions about our health care system.
5) Still trying to find fulfillment and happiness in Toronto. A slow process for sure.
2) I then when on a wilderness medicine conference at a farm 1.5 hours away from here. It was really fun. We hiked the first night (yeah...it rained...) and got really really wet and muddy, but the warmth of the farm and the fire as we were roasting marshmellows afterwards made it really worth it. The next morning we had an ER doctor give us a workshop on wilderness medicine. It was a lot like lifeguarding actually - though I can't think of when I would ever find myself in such an extreme wilderness position as to be stranded on a mountain or in a cave somewhere! But no doubt, valuable skills learned.
3) grappling with my future in research. I don't know if I want to be a researcher. I sort of think I want to be but for the wrong reasons. And I also feel like I should start doing things I want to because I enjoy them, and not because I feel it may get me ahead.
4) Reading Vincent Lam's book that won the Giller. It is a pretty cool book so far. I have started a mini-book club with a friend of mine and we are reading through it together. I can definitely relate to it and it does pose some interesting questions about our health care system.
5) Still trying to find fulfillment and happiness in Toronto. A slow process for sure.
Wednesday, November 01, 2006
To be or not to be....Is no longer a question.
It was not meant to be.
So I found out that I didn't get a part in my school musical today. It was a sad and bitter discovery.
I think the problem was that I pinned too much expectation on this audition and on the musical itself. I thought it would bring out of me a creative spirit I never had. I thought it would expose me to a group of people who would become my lifelong friends. I thought it would build within me the great confidence I have been looking for for so long...but alas, this will not be so.
But all is not lost, for through this I have realized something else and that is that being in this musical would have probably not provided me with any of the things mentioned above anyway. I am who I am and I must fight my own battles and persevere over my own struggles. A role in the musical would not have given me the life and personality I have dreamed of on a silver platter, those things I must develop myself. Expectation is a dangerous, dangerous thing. Sigh...yet even in my enlightened state, I do fear it will take me a long time to recover from this rejection.
Hmmmm...Perhaps I will try again next year?
So I found out that I didn't get a part in my school musical today. It was a sad and bitter discovery.
I think the problem was that I pinned too much expectation on this audition and on the musical itself. I thought it would bring out of me a creative spirit I never had. I thought it would expose me to a group of people who would become my lifelong friends. I thought it would build within me the great confidence I have been looking for for so long...but alas, this will not be so.
But all is not lost, for through this I have realized something else and that is that being in this musical would have probably not provided me with any of the things mentioned above anyway. I am who I am and I must fight my own battles and persevere over my own struggles. A role in the musical would not have given me the life and personality I have dreamed of on a silver platter, those things I must develop myself. Expectation is a dangerous, dangerous thing. Sigh...yet even in my enlightened state, I do fear it will take me a long time to recover from this rejection.
Hmmmm...Perhaps I will try again next year?
Saturday, October 28, 2006
Day of the Doctor
Yesterday was day of the doctor for all first year medical students at UofT. This means shadowing a doctor of your choice for an entire day. I followed an excellent Anesthetist/internist/intensive care doctor from 9am to about 4pm and it was FANTASTIC!
At first I was worried because I thought anesthesia would not be my cup of tea, and in fact I am sure it is not. But the cool part was sitting in on three surgical procedures. I was even directly involved in one of them!
The first operation I saw was a decompression of an ulnar nerve (a nerve in your arm). It was a great thing to see just to get me warmed up for what was to come because it was a very routine procedure with very few complications. The surgeon was also really considerate; when he opened the arm, he showed me the nerve and pointed out where it was swollen etc. It was fascinating!
The second procedure I saw was by far the coolest of the day. I was in the Burn Unit and this man arrived with extreme electrical burns which required a plastic surgeon to open both his arms because they were suffering from compartment syndrome (and I know what that is from class! Yay! The idea that the information I learned in class was applicable in real life just makes all this studying worthwhile!) Basically compartment syndrome is when the muscles get very swollen inside their compartments and so it hurts a lot and you get decreased blood flow to the muscles etc. The plastic surgeon involved in this case was just super super awesome. His name is Joel Fish and I could just tell that he knew exactly what he was doing. If I ever need a face lift- you know who I will call! He also guided me through the procedure telling me about the anatomy of the arm which was really great.
The last procedure was the most exciting for two reasons: first, he almost died on us and second I got to "bag" him, which means to pump air into him using this big balloon type pump. I felt like I was part of the team! It was truly exhilirating. What happened was this man needed a tube put in his throat, but in order to do this there is a limited amount of time where you can actually insert the tube because at this time, he can not get any oxygen in. What happened to us was that the tube refused to go in for the first time so he was severely in need of air. Machines started beeping, the doctors started yelling at each other and the man's face even started to turn blue! Luckily we got everything under control, but it was very intense. To think something as routine as a breathing tube could turn out to be a life and death situation! Nothing is ever boring in the OR!
So that was my brief glimpse into the real world and what awaits me after these four years. It could not have come at a better time as well because I now have the bigger picture to look at and to inspire me to keep chugging along no matter how many exams (grumble, grumble) and assignments they throw my way.
At first I was worried because I thought anesthesia would not be my cup of tea, and in fact I am sure it is not. But the cool part was sitting in on three surgical procedures. I was even directly involved in one of them!
The first operation I saw was a decompression of an ulnar nerve (a nerve in your arm). It was a great thing to see just to get me warmed up for what was to come because it was a very routine procedure with very few complications. The surgeon was also really considerate; when he opened the arm, he showed me the nerve and pointed out where it was swollen etc. It was fascinating!
The second procedure I saw was by far the coolest of the day. I was in the Burn Unit and this man arrived with extreme electrical burns which required a plastic surgeon to open both his arms because they were suffering from compartment syndrome (and I know what that is from class! Yay! The idea that the information I learned in class was applicable in real life just makes all this studying worthwhile!) Basically compartment syndrome is when the muscles get very swollen inside their compartments and so it hurts a lot and you get decreased blood flow to the muscles etc. The plastic surgeon involved in this case was just super super awesome. His name is Joel Fish and I could just tell that he knew exactly what he was doing. If I ever need a face lift- you know who I will call! He also guided me through the procedure telling me about the anatomy of the arm which was really great.
The last procedure was the most exciting for two reasons: first, he almost died on us and second I got to "bag" him, which means to pump air into him using this big balloon type pump. I felt like I was part of the team! It was truly exhilirating. What happened was this man needed a tube put in his throat, but in order to do this there is a limited amount of time where you can actually insert the tube because at this time, he can not get any oxygen in. What happened to us was that the tube refused to go in for the first time so he was severely in need of air. Machines started beeping, the doctors started yelling at each other and the man's face even started to turn blue! Luckily we got everything under control, but it was very intense. To think something as routine as a breathing tube could turn out to be a life and death situation! Nothing is ever boring in the OR!
So that was my brief glimpse into the real world and what awaits me after these four years. It could not have come at a better time as well because I now have the bigger picture to look at and to inspire me to keep chugging along no matter how many exams (grumble, grumble) and assignments they throw my way.
Thursday, October 12, 2006
Season's first snow!
It is snowing as I write this, much to my glee. Toronto just gets so much more beautiful as winter/fall progress. The trees change colour, freshly baked pumpkin pies are in shop windows. It is a wonderful time of the year.
I have officially become a University of Toronto medical student. I know I have been in the program for a little over a month now, but the real right of passage was writing my first exam. Not only that, but I also passed! With honours! I am quite pleased and am feeling ever more inspired to study even harder for the exams to come. But from past experience I know not to take this for granted because success is not guaranteed ever, even when you work hard.
In other news, I am playing in the school symphonic band and am having a good time. It has really improved my sense of rhythm and I also just appreciate doing something different for an evening. On Mondays, I also take a dance class that is really a lot of fun. It doesn't teach technical dance skills but it sure is a good way to loosen up! This dance class is called "Club Groove" and is basically for students who need help club dancing. I do not think of myself as this type of student, which makes it all the more fun. To stereotype, this class is full of nerds who are really willing to put their all into the gyrating, breakdancing moves that we have learned. It is fantastic. Everyone's enthusiasm makes the whole (intially embarrassing) experience worth it.
Thanksgiving was at Uncle Alex and Auntie Elaine's house. There we ate, ate, ate and ...sang? It started off innocently enough, the younger set of twins singing their cute church songs that they had learned...it soon turned ugly however as it became more of a dare and each set of siblings had to perform as well. It was really just fantastic. Another family tradition started perhaps?
Lastly, I am missing Simon very much as he has left us in Toronto to fend for himself in Vancouver. It was nice reverting back to our old habits: me making lunches for him and having late night conversations. I sure hope he finds what he is looking for where ever he goes!
I have officially become a University of Toronto medical student. I know I have been in the program for a little over a month now, but the real right of passage was writing my first exam. Not only that, but I also passed! With honours! I am quite pleased and am feeling ever more inspired to study even harder for the exams to come. But from past experience I know not to take this for granted because success is not guaranteed ever, even when you work hard.
In other news, I am playing in the school symphonic band and am having a good time. It has really improved my sense of rhythm and I also just appreciate doing something different for an evening. On Mondays, I also take a dance class that is really a lot of fun. It doesn't teach technical dance skills but it sure is a good way to loosen up! This dance class is called "Club Groove" and is basically for students who need help club dancing. I do not think of myself as this type of student, which makes it all the more fun. To stereotype, this class is full of nerds who are really willing to put their all into the gyrating, breakdancing moves that we have learned. It is fantastic. Everyone's enthusiasm makes the whole (intially embarrassing) experience worth it.
Thanksgiving was at Uncle Alex and Auntie Elaine's house. There we ate, ate, ate and ...sang? It started off innocently enough, the younger set of twins singing their cute church songs that they had learned...it soon turned ugly however as it became more of a dare and each set of siblings had to perform as well. It was really just fantastic. Another family tradition started perhaps?
Lastly, I am missing Simon very much as he has left us in Toronto to fend for himself in Vancouver. It was nice reverting back to our old habits: me making lunches for him and having late night conversations. I sure hope he finds what he is looking for where ever he goes!
Wednesday, September 20, 2006
Officially a medical student
hello everybody.
I know I have been very bad with communicating with everyone, but here I am, alive and well.
I must admit that there is little to report because I feel the changes I am going through have been experienced by my brother, my sister, and are being felt by all 218 of us in my first year class so nothing is really novel enough to describe here.
I have to say that I am not all too fond of Toronto...yet. My main criticism is that it is a dirty place (relative to Scandinavia and Kingston that is). Creating a life for myself here is also taking longer than I thought it would. Work is very overwhelming. There are 9 hours to our typical day and by the end, I just want to sleep. However the fear of falling behind on the material we have covered in class for the day helps keep me up.
Balance is impossible to achieve, but again, that is nothing new, so there are no complaints here. Just an acceptance of what my life is like now. It was my choice after all.
The people in my class are nice enough. There are some social events but I think everyone is getting too bogged down with work to really network with one another. I am finding my way around alright.
I am missing my old friends and am valuing them very much. We have had some very good times.
All in all, I am healthy and on the path to a much anticipated future. I've gotta say, I am one lucky gal.
I know I have been very bad with communicating with everyone, but here I am, alive and well.
I must admit that there is little to report because I feel the changes I am going through have been experienced by my brother, my sister, and are being felt by all 218 of us in my first year class so nothing is really novel enough to describe here.
I have to say that I am not all too fond of Toronto...yet. My main criticism is that it is a dirty place (relative to Scandinavia and Kingston that is). Creating a life for myself here is also taking longer than I thought it would. Work is very overwhelming. There are 9 hours to our typical day and by the end, I just want to sleep. However the fear of falling behind on the material we have covered in class for the day helps keep me up.
Balance is impossible to achieve, but again, that is nothing new, so there are no complaints here. Just an acceptance of what my life is like now. It was my choice after all.
The people in my class are nice enough. There are some social events but I think everyone is getting too bogged down with work to really network with one another. I am finding my way around alright.
I am missing my old friends and am valuing them very much. We have had some very good times.
All in all, I am healthy and on the path to a much anticipated future. I've gotta say, I am one lucky gal.
Tuesday, August 15, 2006
In Denmark
Hello everybody!
I am sitting at an internet terminal in our hostel in Copenhagen at the moment missing you all very much. I am coming home very soon and I can not believe that I start medical school within a month.
To be honest, I don't think I have realized much about myself on this trip, though I have experienced a lot of things for the first time here. But so far a few things have hit me:
1) Relationships change so much and are constantly evolving, for better and for worse.
I am traveling with a friend I met in China last year and I definitely feel different around her than in China. I guess it was bound to happen, but I never actually thought it would. I thought things would be exactly the same.
2) You can not soak in culture as a tourist. I loved Finland because I was able to live there and really adapt their lifestyles. In Stockholm, Oslo etc. we rush through millions of museums and eat out all the time, we do not get the culture, and I somehow think that that is the most important part. However, backpacking is a world in and of itself. There are so many backpackers here and they are all (like us) not showered, but happy and well-traveled. It is an interesting society to observe.
3) I am an active holiday person. Museums are fun and all, so is shopping, but walking up a mountain to see a huge glacier??? That is priceless!! I now know myself better and can plan for my future travels better too.
4) Traveling- no PLANNING- is exhausting. Thanks mom and dad for the amazing trips you have planned for us in the past. It was really difficult, I realize that now. Much appreciation and kudos to you.
5) Every minute counts on this trip. I am here for such a short time! And who knows when I shall return? So on that note, I better be off. Not everyday do I wake up in Denmark!
I am sitting at an internet terminal in our hostel in Copenhagen at the moment missing you all very much. I am coming home very soon and I can not believe that I start medical school within a month.
To be honest, I don't think I have realized much about myself on this trip, though I have experienced a lot of things for the first time here. But so far a few things have hit me:
1) Relationships change so much and are constantly evolving, for better and for worse.
I am traveling with a friend I met in China last year and I definitely feel different around her than in China. I guess it was bound to happen, but I never actually thought it would. I thought things would be exactly the same.
2) You can not soak in culture as a tourist. I loved Finland because I was able to live there and really adapt their lifestyles. In Stockholm, Oslo etc. we rush through millions of museums and eat out all the time, we do not get the culture, and I somehow think that that is the most important part. However, backpacking is a world in and of itself. There are so many backpackers here and they are all (like us) not showered, but happy and well-traveled. It is an interesting society to observe.
3) I am an active holiday person. Museums are fun and all, so is shopping, but walking up a mountain to see a huge glacier??? That is priceless!! I now know myself better and can plan for my future travels better too.
4) Traveling- no PLANNING- is exhausting. Thanks mom and dad for the amazing trips you have planned for us in the past. It was really difficult, I realize that now. Much appreciation and kudos to you.
5) Every minute counts on this trip. I am here for such a short time! And who knows when I shall return? So on that note, I better be off. Not everyday do I wake up in Denmark!
Friday, July 28, 2006
traveling conundrum
How much is an experience worth? And should money ever limit your enjoyment while traveling abroad?
A part of me is saying I should relax and just enjoy. This is but a once-in-a-lifetime experience and so I should allow myself to be somewhat extravagant. The other part of me is sick with worry and complains that I am spending too much and that I should be more conservative. Which voice is right? Can they find a compromise?
I unfortunately have no idea. I have no one to compare myself with to give me a frame of reference with regards to my spending. I am on the verge of embarking on my very first backpacking trip and I would like to dive into this new adventure with no second thoughts or regrets. I just want to have fun! But it nags, "at what cost?!?"
A part of me is saying I should relax and just enjoy. This is but a once-in-a-lifetime experience and so I should allow myself to be somewhat extravagant. The other part of me is sick with worry and complains that I am spending too much and that I should be more conservative. Which voice is right? Can they find a compromise?
I unfortunately have no idea. I have no one to compare myself with to give me a frame of reference with regards to my spending. I am on the verge of embarking on my very first backpacking trip and I would like to dive into this new adventure with no second thoughts or regrets. I just want to have fun! But it nags, "at what cost?!?"
Monday, July 24, 2006
'Finnishing' up in Finland
Well, there is only one week left of my stay here in Suonenjoki. In fact I just spent my last weekend here and it was somewhat of a sad realization. I have really, really liked my stay here. Despite being in an incredibly small township, I have enjoyed the people, the activities and most of all, I have been completely overcome by the breath-taking nature that surrounds me here.
I have loved the lifestyle I have created for myself. Everyday there is something active to do and because the weather is so spectacular all the time, I am always outdoors enjoying mother nature at her grandest. Mondays we walk in the forest or canoe down the river nearby, Tuesdays and Thursdays are kickboxing days, Wednesdays we have orienteering or gym in the park, and Fridays are for relaxing and berry-picking.
I absolutely love the outdoors. When it's raining or when the sun is shining, there is beauty everywhere. And when it's windy, well, it is like having your very own eco-friendly air-conditioner, cooling you down as well as clearing the air of pesky insects. I have literally done everything outside this summer: reading, sleeping, eating, swimming. I have picked strawberries, blueberries and cloudberries by the buckets. I am very sad that I won't be able to have this lifestyle for very much longer and that I may never have such a lifestyle again. In the big city you do not get the peace and tranquility you do in the middle of a mature forest.
But now is not a time for mourning. If anything, though I had neither any ground-breaking personal revelations nor very much professional development on this trip, I have taken with me a great sense of appreciation for the opportunities I have had up until now and for the life I have been given. I realize now how lucky I am that things have turned out the way they have. I am just so lucky it blows my socks off. I am just so very lucky and so so very grateful.
I have loved the lifestyle I have created for myself. Everyday there is something active to do and because the weather is so spectacular all the time, I am always outdoors enjoying mother nature at her grandest. Mondays we walk in the forest or canoe down the river nearby, Tuesdays and Thursdays are kickboxing days, Wednesdays we have orienteering or gym in the park, and Fridays are for relaxing and berry-picking.
I absolutely love the outdoors. When it's raining or when the sun is shining, there is beauty everywhere. And when it's windy, well, it is like having your very own eco-friendly air-conditioner, cooling you down as well as clearing the air of pesky insects. I have literally done everything outside this summer: reading, sleeping, eating, swimming. I have picked strawberries, blueberries and cloudberries by the buckets. I am very sad that I won't be able to have this lifestyle for very much longer and that I may never have such a lifestyle again. In the big city you do not get the peace and tranquility you do in the middle of a mature forest.
But now is not a time for mourning. If anything, though I had neither any ground-breaking personal revelations nor very much professional development on this trip, I have taken with me a great sense of appreciation for the opportunities I have had up until now and for the life I have been given. I realize now how lucky I am that things have turned out the way they have. I am just so lucky it blows my socks off. I am just so very lucky and so so very grateful.
Wednesday, July 12, 2006
Independent woman
When something troubles you, do you try to resolve it yourself or do you immediately seek a confidant?
I find that having lived on my own for quite some time in transient environments, and being separated from those closest to me, I have become quite effective at comforting myself and making myself feel better. That is not to say that the people who are closest to me have ceased to bring me reassurance, but when their whereabouts are unknown and their availability no longer reliable-what else can one do?
And one might think that this newly-developed skill is a positive one: being strong on your own and being able to give yourself the perspective you need to move on is a strength. However I look at it another way. I mourn the idea that I may no longer need someone to be there for me. I miss the feeling of wanting desperately to talk to the person, and I miss the bonding that takes place when you make revelations together. I miss hearing someone else's voice in my head besides my own and I miss the feeling that someone understands and cares about issues that matter to me.
In other words, with increased independence, I find my world a little lonelier of a place.
I find that having lived on my own for quite some time in transient environments, and being separated from those closest to me, I have become quite effective at comforting myself and making myself feel better. That is not to say that the people who are closest to me have ceased to bring me reassurance, but when their whereabouts are unknown and their availability no longer reliable-what else can one do?
And one might think that this newly-developed skill is a positive one: being strong on your own and being able to give yourself the perspective you need to move on is a strength. However I look at it another way. I mourn the idea that I may no longer need someone to be there for me. I miss the feeling of wanting desperately to talk to the person, and I miss the bonding that takes place when you make revelations together. I miss hearing someone else's voice in my head besides my own and I miss the feeling that someone understands and cares about issues that matter to me.
In other words, with increased independence, I find my world a little lonelier of a place.
Thursday, June 29, 2006
Phoebus is a jerk
I have just finished "The Hunchback of Notre Dame" and I do recommend the book to everyone. It was remarkably easy to read using language that accurately reflects the era the novel takes place.
I am just in awe at how well some authors can write. After reading "All quiet on the Western Front" and then this book, it amazes me how one can capture the feelings and emotions of an individual so eloquently and in such a way that you feel what the characters are going through. Furthermore, "Hunchback of Notre Dame" expresses the emotions of females very very well. Females in despair, females in shock, even females in heat! How is it that a man (Victor Hugo in this case) can know so well female instincts and reactions? Especially given that this book was written in 1830! Crazy. To be a master of words is a true true art.
Oh, and the Disney version of this story is much altered from its original form. For one, the real book is a true tragedy and for another, Phoebus is an absolute butt-wipe (for lack of a better word...).
I am just in awe at how well some authors can write. After reading "All quiet on the Western Front" and then this book, it amazes me how one can capture the feelings and emotions of an individual so eloquently and in such a way that you feel what the characters are going through. Furthermore, "Hunchback of Notre Dame" expresses the emotions of females very very well. Females in despair, females in shock, even females in heat! How is it that a man (Victor Hugo in this case) can know so well female instincts and reactions? Especially given that this book was written in 1830! Crazy. To be a master of words is a true true art.
Oh, and the Disney version of this story is much altered from its original form. For one, the real book is a true tragedy and for another, Phoebus is an absolute butt-wipe (for lack of a better word...).
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
A football dilemma
So I have quickly become an avid football fan. Perhaps it is because I am in Europe, perhaps it is because I am bored. Regardless, I just can't get enough of watching the sport. However I have quickly reached a problem with this new found hobby...Which team should I be supporting?
When one is new to a sport, how does one decide? I have no personal affiliation with any of the teams. I do not know the rules to the game and I don't understand the plays, or what constitutes a good kick. I basically have no idea what goes on during the game besides my own interpretation of what I am seeing. And being so uneducated, it doesn't tell me much!
So how do I go about finding a team? Do I go with the crowd favorite, Brazil? Or do I follow my parents and root for Portugal? Perhaps I should root for the best-looking team...hmmm...where to begin?
When one is new to a sport, how does one decide? I have no personal affiliation with any of the teams. I do not know the rules to the game and I don't understand the plays, or what constitutes a good kick. I basically have no idea what goes on during the game besides my own interpretation of what I am seeing. And being so uneducated, it doesn't tell me much!
So how do I go about finding a team? Do I go with the crowd favorite, Brazil? Or do I follow my parents and root for Portugal? Perhaps I should root for the best-looking team...hmmm...where to begin?
Monday, June 19, 2006
Classic = Tragic ?
Why is it that most classic novels are just so tragic?
I went to the library to borrow more books yesterday and was more than successful in filling my arms with must-reads. However, I was in a jolly mood upon returning home and was looking forward to settling down with a good, happy book when I realized that much to my disappointment, all the classic literature I had borrowed were quite somber!
The books I borrowed were:
Lord of the Flies
All quiet on the Western Front
Hunchback of Notre Dame
The eye of the Storm
I am now in the midst of "All quiet on the western front" (I decided on this book because it was the thinnest), and I must say, this book is incredibly well-written and its significance is no surprise to me. However, it very effectively puts you in a rather depressed state of mind. War is a horrible, wretched thing and this book is really, really affecting me. I guess that is the sure sign of a really good book...
I went to the library to borrow more books yesterday and was more than successful in filling my arms with must-reads. However, I was in a jolly mood upon returning home and was looking forward to settling down with a good, happy book when I realized that much to my disappointment, all the classic literature I had borrowed were quite somber!
The books I borrowed were:
Lord of the Flies
All quiet on the Western Front
Hunchback of Notre Dame
The eye of the Storm
I am now in the midst of "All quiet on the western front" (I decided on this book because it was the thinnest), and I must say, this book is incredibly well-written and its significance is no surprise to me. However, it very effectively puts you in a rather depressed state of mind. War is a horrible, wretched thing and this book is really, really affecting me. I guess that is the sure sign of a really good book...
Friday, June 02, 2006
Gone Swimming
Have you any experiences that have marred an otherwise enjoyable activity?
I have and despite having taken lessons for more than a decade, the activity is swimming.
I just recall feeling cold, feeling dry, feeling itchy, feeling not clean even after showering, feeling embarrassed, seeing someone elses hair clog the drains, feeling the grime beneathe your feet, the fear of plantar's warts, putting on clothes after peeling off the sticky bathing suit...the list goes on of just how unpleasant I found the whole experience.
So one can imagine the dread I felt when my friend suggested we go to the swimming hall here in Suonenjoki yesterday. I contemplated staying home but did not want to be a party-pooper so I agreed to tag along. Much to my surprise, it was an incredibly clean and modern facility. The walls were freshly painted white, the people were friendly, the water warm. We did laps for an hour and though I am feeling the effects of the exercise today in my back and arms, I really thoroughly enjoyed myself and could not remember the last time I had this much fun swimming.
So I challenge you all, take a negative experience that has tainted an otherwise fun activity and erase it by going back and trying again. Surround yourself with positive people and hopefully you will be as pleasantly surprised as I was!
I have and despite having taken lessons for more than a decade, the activity is swimming.
I just recall feeling cold, feeling dry, feeling itchy, feeling not clean even after showering, feeling embarrassed, seeing someone elses hair clog the drains, feeling the grime beneathe your feet, the fear of plantar's warts, putting on clothes after peeling off the sticky bathing suit...the list goes on of just how unpleasant I found the whole experience.
So one can imagine the dread I felt when my friend suggested we go to the swimming hall here in Suonenjoki yesterday. I contemplated staying home but did not want to be a party-pooper so I agreed to tag along. Much to my surprise, it was an incredibly clean and modern facility. The walls were freshly painted white, the people were friendly, the water warm. We did laps for an hour and though I am feeling the effects of the exercise today in my back and arms, I really thoroughly enjoyed myself and could not remember the last time I had this much fun swimming.
So I challenge you all, take a negative experience that has tainted an otherwise fun activity and erase it by going back and trying again. Surround yourself with positive people and hopefully you will be as pleasantly surprised as I was!
Wednesday, May 31, 2006
Another Chan in Toronto
I will be in Toronto next year! I have decided on Toronto's medical school because I think the program suits me best and it means I will be living with Justine. I am unbelievably estatic about that.
However it does cause me to reminisce about when I last shared a living space with my sister, when we were 12? And the arguments we had were just crazy: they were loud, and they were unfortunately, not uncommon, often ending with both of us getting spanked. Aaaahhh...the good ole' days... Let's hope this second go at living together will turn out better.
Funny how my sister tried to convince me to go to Toronto too. She mentioned picturing myself cooking a lot for the two of us. Oddly enough, this does appeal to me quite a bit.
And it will be nice to finally live in a "home" for the next 4 years. At Queen's, I never fully invested myself to any living space because I knew it would be so temporary. I can't wait to decorate our apartment and to furnish it with quality utensils not purchased at the dollar store. I am already looking for items here in Finland.
Perhaps we will even have a house-warming party! Look out for an invitation...
However it does cause me to reminisce about when I last shared a living space with my sister, when we were 12? And the arguments we had were just crazy: they were loud, and they were unfortunately, not uncommon, often ending with both of us getting spanked. Aaaahhh...the good ole' days... Let's hope this second go at living together will turn out better.
Funny how my sister tried to convince me to go to Toronto too. She mentioned picturing myself cooking a lot for the two of us. Oddly enough, this does appeal to me quite a bit.
And it will be nice to finally live in a "home" for the next 4 years. At Queen's, I never fully invested myself to any living space because I knew it would be so temporary. I can't wait to decorate our apartment and to furnish it with quality utensils not purchased at the dollar store. I am already looking for items here in Finland.
Perhaps we will even have a house-warming party! Look out for an invitation...
Thursday, May 18, 2006
What do you want to be when you grow up?
ahh...a question that never gets tired. It can be asked to anybody, no matter how young, boy/girl, black/white.
What did I want to be?
in grade 2 I wanted to be a marine biologist or a vet
in grade 5 I wanted to become a teacher
in grade 9 I thought I wanted to be a doctor, a cardiologist just like my dad
in grade 10-11 I wanted to be a policy-maker or an environmentalist.
in grade 12 I wanted to be a doctor again,
and in grade 13, I applied for and accepted a place at the prestigious Queen's school of business
I have done lab research, field research and have worked with single cells, whole plants, and whole animal systems. I have taught english pronunciation and have found that being Don was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
In my final year of university I looked into pharmacy, dentistry, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, engineering and plant biotechnology as possible postgraduate options.
I am now in Finland doing DNA analyses on trees affected by greenhouse gases.
And now the age-old question is more real. Because I am done my undergrad, real life is creeping up on me. So what's next?
Well, if you have not yet heard, I have finally settled on...MEDICINE!
I got accepted to three medical schools: Ottawa, Toronto and Queen's! And I have to say I am very excited. I am very happy and am exactly where I want to be, feeling no regrets whatsoever. I took a very confused path to get where I am, it wasn't hard really, just windy (as in curvy, not in terms of weather) and every experience was worth having.
So now the next big decision...which medical school?
What did I want to be?
in grade 2 I wanted to be a marine biologist or a vet
in grade 5 I wanted to become a teacher
in grade 9 I thought I wanted to be a doctor, a cardiologist just like my dad
in grade 10-11 I wanted to be a policy-maker or an environmentalist.
in grade 12 I wanted to be a doctor again,
and in grade 13, I applied for and accepted a place at the prestigious Queen's school of business
I have done lab research, field research and have worked with single cells, whole plants, and whole animal systems. I have taught english pronunciation and have found that being Don was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.
In my final year of university I looked into pharmacy, dentistry, physiotherapy, occupational therapy, engineering and plant biotechnology as possible postgraduate options.
I am now in Finland doing DNA analyses on trees affected by greenhouse gases.
And now the age-old question is more real. Because I am done my undergrad, real life is creeping up on me. So what's next?
Well, if you have not yet heard, I have finally settled on...MEDICINE!
I got accepted to three medical schools: Ottawa, Toronto and Queen's! And I have to say I am very excited. I am very happy and am exactly where I want to be, feeling no regrets whatsoever. I took a very confused path to get where I am, it wasn't hard really, just windy (as in curvy, not in terms of weather) and every experience was worth having.
So now the next big decision...which medical school?
Monday, May 15, 2006
Feeling Hot! Hot! Hot!
So it is Monday after my second weekend here in Finland. It was a great weekend and here is what I have been up to:
1) Went to the library. I love libraries. The Suonenjoki library is great for such a small town. It is clean and has a very modern feel. One of the advantages to a Finnish library is that it has a limited selection of english books, and you are probably thinking "huh?", but because of this, the english books are all significant works of literature, that I should probably read anyway. So it really helps me narrow down what to read, whereas in an english library, the choices are endless. So I hope to read a lot this summer, if life doesn't get in the way. I also borrowed a french book and two other books entitled, "Finnish for foreigners1&2", it will be my new summer project: to learn finnish!
2) Sauna for the first time! It was Hot, hot, hot! But quite relaxing. I have to be careful next time though because midway through I noticed my glasses and hair clip were heating up very much and burning my face. But the best feeling of all is stepping out into the cool crisp air. It is just very refreshing. And surprisingly, the naked issue, well...is not an issue at all! I have never felt that way before, but you just don't think about it I guess. The hope is that you talk about more meaningful things and just don't realize you are naked, which was the case for me:).
3) We also did some home cooking this weekend: Finnish summer soup and apple cake. It was surprisingly traditional and surprisingly simple and most importantly, surprisingly delicious. And people here are quite clever, when buying herbs, they are always sure to sell it to you with the roots and a plastic pot, so you can then grow it yourself afterwards. I don't recall seeing this very often in Canadian grocery stores. Anyway, so besides a good, hearty meal, two new plants (a chive plant and a lettuce plant) have also been introduced into our home.
4) There is more for me to do in the lab now also which is a great relief. I am now amplifying the samples which takes about two days. The people in the lab are extremely, extremely nice and though it is frustrating sometimes because of the language difficulties, they are very well-natured and try hard to include me in everything they do. I am used to just tuning out when they start talking Finnish- before, I used to pretend that I was interested, but I have realized that that is just a very phoney thing to do, since everyone knows I do not have a clue!
5) Went to a horse show. It was a little disappointing because I thought it would be a little more formal, a little bigger than it actually was. But it was nice to see families out enjoying themselves with local events.
6) Had a BBQ! Though this was last week, it is definitely worth mentioning because I had too good of a time for it to go undocumented. We started a fire in the woods (in a designated area of course) and roasted some good Finnish sausages. It was delicious. Annukka and Susanna are great housemates, we do everything together! They are always keen to stay active like me and we just get along very well. How lucky I am to have them with me. We then followed up on the meal with toasted marshmellows...yummmm...
All in all, Finland is treating me well. I hope to do some more outdoor activities since the weather is beautiful here...most of the time. On Saturday, I was caught in the middle of a hail storm and got home very very wet and very very cold. I am told by locals to expect ice with the rain and even some snow this month! Funny that I left Canada when it was finally getting warm to come to a place that is colder - A very counterintuitive summer move!
1) Went to the library. I love libraries. The Suonenjoki library is great for such a small town. It is clean and has a very modern feel. One of the advantages to a Finnish library is that it has a limited selection of english books, and you are probably thinking "huh?", but because of this, the english books are all significant works of literature, that I should probably read anyway. So it really helps me narrow down what to read, whereas in an english library, the choices are endless. So I hope to read a lot this summer, if life doesn't get in the way. I also borrowed a french book and two other books entitled, "Finnish for foreigners1&2", it will be my new summer project: to learn finnish!
2) Sauna for the first time! It was Hot, hot, hot! But quite relaxing. I have to be careful next time though because midway through I noticed my glasses and hair clip were heating up very much and burning my face. But the best feeling of all is stepping out into the cool crisp air. It is just very refreshing. And surprisingly, the naked issue, well...is not an issue at all! I have never felt that way before, but you just don't think about it I guess. The hope is that you talk about more meaningful things and just don't realize you are naked, which was the case for me:).
3) We also did some home cooking this weekend: Finnish summer soup and apple cake. It was surprisingly traditional and surprisingly simple and most importantly, surprisingly delicious. And people here are quite clever, when buying herbs, they are always sure to sell it to you with the roots and a plastic pot, so you can then grow it yourself afterwards. I don't recall seeing this very often in Canadian grocery stores. Anyway, so besides a good, hearty meal, two new plants (a chive plant and a lettuce plant) have also been introduced into our home.
4) There is more for me to do in the lab now also which is a great relief. I am now amplifying the samples which takes about two days. The people in the lab are extremely, extremely nice and though it is frustrating sometimes because of the language difficulties, they are very well-natured and try hard to include me in everything they do. I am used to just tuning out when they start talking Finnish- before, I used to pretend that I was interested, but I have realized that that is just a very phoney thing to do, since everyone knows I do not have a clue!
5) Went to a horse show. It was a little disappointing because I thought it would be a little more formal, a little bigger than it actually was. But it was nice to see families out enjoying themselves with local events.
6) Had a BBQ! Though this was last week, it is definitely worth mentioning because I had too good of a time for it to go undocumented. We started a fire in the woods (in a designated area of course) and roasted some good Finnish sausages. It was delicious. Annukka and Susanna are great housemates, we do everything together! They are always keen to stay active like me and we just get along very well. How lucky I am to have them with me. We then followed up on the meal with toasted marshmellows...yummmm...
All in all, Finland is treating me well. I hope to do some more outdoor activities since the weather is beautiful here...most of the time. On Saturday, I was caught in the middle of a hail storm and got home very very wet and very very cold. I am told by locals to expect ice with the rain and even some snow this month! Funny that I left Canada when it was finally getting warm to come to a place that is colder - A very counterintuitive summer move!
Thursday, May 11, 2006
My Work Project
So today I met with two of my three supervisors, Elina and Sari. They explained more of what I was doing and gave me an overview of what the experiments, of which I am a part, are all about. So here is the shimmy:
There is a field experiment in Wisconsin that involves growing Aspen, Birch and Maple trees in 12 large areas designated in the field. Each circle is exposed to a different treatment of greenhouse gases: CO2, O3 (ozone), and ambient air. What our lab is asking goes as follows: how do trees respond to changes in environmental gas conditions? To find out, we look at gene expression. What genes get turned on or enhanced, or turned off and down-regulated when trees are exposed to high levels of toxic gases will tell us what proteins are being made and what molecular pathways are being activated in response to the greenhouse gas stress.
What gets more interesting is that CO2 is actually beneficial to trees as they need it to produce energy via photosynthesis. However O3 is very harmful, so by subjecting trees to both gases at once, we can also look at the interaction of these two gases and their effects on tree growth, leaf health and overall productivity. Would their effects cancel each other out? These are the questions being tackled in our lab.
So where do I fit into this large picture? Well, my particular role is to analyze what genes have been affected by the treatments. So I will extract the RNA from the leaves, purify it, amplify it and finally analyze it. It is that simple...sort of. The procedures can be complicated and very expensive to run. But I am sure that I will learn a lot even though at present I am not doing much. We will be using very modern techniques that can analyze thousands and thousands of genes at once (a microarray). It is very impressive.
So there you have it, my experiment in a nutshell! I am glad to see advancements in our field put to good use. Everyday we are finding out more and more about our environment and how to preserve it. And for me, it is nice to know that I am making positive change, no matter how small.
There is a field experiment in Wisconsin that involves growing Aspen, Birch and Maple trees in 12 large areas designated in the field. Each circle is exposed to a different treatment of greenhouse gases: CO2, O3 (ozone), and ambient air. What our lab is asking goes as follows: how do trees respond to changes in environmental gas conditions? To find out, we look at gene expression. What genes get turned on or enhanced, or turned off and down-regulated when trees are exposed to high levels of toxic gases will tell us what proteins are being made and what molecular pathways are being activated in response to the greenhouse gas stress.
What gets more interesting is that CO2 is actually beneficial to trees as they need it to produce energy via photosynthesis. However O3 is very harmful, so by subjecting trees to both gases at once, we can also look at the interaction of these two gases and their effects on tree growth, leaf health and overall productivity. Would their effects cancel each other out? These are the questions being tackled in our lab.
So where do I fit into this large picture? Well, my particular role is to analyze what genes have been affected by the treatments. So I will extract the RNA from the leaves, purify it, amplify it and finally analyze it. It is that simple...sort of. The procedures can be complicated and very expensive to run. But I am sure that I will learn a lot even though at present I am not doing much. We will be using very modern techniques that can analyze thousands and thousands of genes at once (a microarray). It is very impressive.
So there you have it, my experiment in a nutshell! I am glad to see advancements in our field put to good use. Everyday we are finding out more and more about our environment and how to preserve it. And for me, it is nice to know that I am making positive change, no matter how small.
Wednesday, May 10, 2006
What Sarah does when bored in Finland...she blogs
It is strange being here. In a way it is lonely because no one understands you really and everyday is spent acting happy and enthusiastic. This is probably what is most tiring everyday. But it is no one's fault. The main problem I think, is that there is actually very little for me to do at work. Being bored really drains any life juice you have. I ran two experiments over a course of three days. Both experiments could have been combined into one day and had such long wait times that for hours I was left just sitting around with nothing to do. Today is particularly bad as both my supervisors need to prepare for a trip they are making on Friday to the big city so they can not spend much time training me. I just feel like I am wasting resources (money, space, time) by being here and doing nothing. On a happier note, I will run my own experiment on Friday which should give me something to do.
So what does one do when bored out of their wits? What does Sarah do? Well, I looked up festivals that are in nearby towns with the thought that perhaps over a weekend, I might muster up the courage to travel to another city on my own. This actually took quite a bit of time because some festivals are not very well-organized so I question whether I should make the effort to actually attend. I then looked up different people I have met here, one in particular is a professional golfer, Alpo, who has lived in America playing golf for almost 40 years. But he is not very famous for a google-search resulted in no hits. I then tried to translate some finnish dialogue into english using an online dictionary. That was interesting and actually quite difficult really. The Finnish language has suffixes on the words that confuses the dictionary because you are supposed to only look up the root word. Finding the root word is difficult for any foreigner. I then flipped through my planner seeing what things I would like to do this weekend: cook something perhaps? Or maybe I can go for a swim?
Anyway, you get the idea, I sure hope I get more to do soon! As you can tell from this blog, I am going bonkers!
So what does one do when bored out of their wits? What does Sarah do? Well, I looked up festivals that are in nearby towns with the thought that perhaps over a weekend, I might muster up the courage to travel to another city on my own. This actually took quite a bit of time because some festivals are not very well-organized so I question whether I should make the effort to actually attend. I then looked up different people I have met here, one in particular is a professional golfer, Alpo, who has lived in America playing golf for almost 40 years. But he is not very famous for a google-search resulted in no hits. I then tried to translate some finnish dialogue into english using an online dictionary. That was interesting and actually quite difficult really. The Finnish language has suffixes on the words that confuses the dictionary because you are supposed to only look up the root word. Finding the root word is difficult for any foreigner. I then flipped through my planner seeing what things I would like to do this weekend: cook something perhaps? Or maybe I can go for a swim?
Anyway, you get the idea, I sure hope I get more to do soon! As you can tell from this blog, I am going bonkers!
Sunday, May 07, 2006
A Finnish Weekend
So this is my first weekend since coming to Finland and it has so far been quite nice.
Yesterday we went to my supervisor's house for dinner. She has a family of 4 including two children, a boy and a girl. They live quite the ideal Finnish lifestyle I think. Their house is by a river and they just bought a new canoe. The children climb trees and play for hours on this huge trampoline they have in the backyard. Trampolines are all the rage here, but you must be careful, Sari was telling me that her nephew died from a trampolining accident. The night was very fun, informal and filled with good conversation that ranged from being a biologist in Finland to bird watching. It is great to see kids who are active and not cooped up all day in front of the computer. They also aren't afraid to get dirty and that is the kind of childhood that I think is going extinct in our technology, stimulus-driven world today.
Sari's house was just amazing. It had two old-fashioned Finnish stoves and they heat their houses with furnaces in which they burn wood and paper waste that they have around the house. It is quite resourceful actually and very efficient. Sometimes I wonder why North America has never implemented such environmentally-friendly practices into its workplace and homes.
We then had a nice BBQ in the backyard: chicken with grilled veggies. It was just such a pleasant evening. I am glad we went.
Today I went to a bog! It is really really wet. You can tromp around all you like in this bog and in the proper attire (heavy-duty rainboots) you won't get wet. I am not used to having the ground sink beneath me when I am standing still. The bog is also a home for a lot of different wildlife. We saw many different types of flowers and berries and I have been told it only gets better as the summer progresses. I love nature, though unfortunately I have been told that this amazing weather we have been having will be short-lived and that I should expect rain soon.
We are looking at attending the Savonlinna Opera Festival next month. It is a great festival where operas are held in a stage built right in the centre of the castle! The tickets are not cheap, but I think it would be worth it all the same. So far, all the shows for Carmen are sold out. My hope is that we find tickets for the Magic Flute.
To make sure I am getting the true Finnish experience, I am also reading a book called "The Egyptian" by Mika Waltari, a very famous Finnish author. So far it has been quite an interesting read. It is about Egypt oddly enough and slaves and Pharoahs. Who knew that the most important Finnish book of the century was based on a land so unlike Finland and in fact so far away. I cannot say that I am enjoying the book too much either. It is dark and full of hardship for the main characters, but then again, many classics are like this so I can not be surprised.
Wow, this update is much longer than I had intended so I will end it here. Stay tuned for the next episode of Sarah's Finnish adventures!
Yesterday we went to my supervisor's house for dinner. She has a family of 4 including two children, a boy and a girl. They live quite the ideal Finnish lifestyle I think. Their house is by a river and they just bought a new canoe. The children climb trees and play for hours on this huge trampoline they have in the backyard. Trampolines are all the rage here, but you must be careful, Sari was telling me that her nephew died from a trampolining accident. The night was very fun, informal and filled with good conversation that ranged from being a biologist in Finland to bird watching. It is great to see kids who are active and not cooped up all day in front of the computer. They also aren't afraid to get dirty and that is the kind of childhood that I think is going extinct in our technology, stimulus-driven world today.
Sari's house was just amazing. It had two old-fashioned Finnish stoves and they heat their houses with furnaces in which they burn wood and paper waste that they have around the house. It is quite resourceful actually and very efficient. Sometimes I wonder why North America has never implemented such environmentally-friendly practices into its workplace and homes.
We then had a nice BBQ in the backyard: chicken with grilled veggies. It was just such a pleasant evening. I am glad we went.
Today I went to a bog! It is really really wet. You can tromp around all you like in this bog and in the proper attire (heavy-duty rainboots) you won't get wet. I am not used to having the ground sink beneath me when I am standing still. The bog is also a home for a lot of different wildlife. We saw many different types of flowers and berries and I have been told it only gets better as the summer progresses. I love nature, though unfortunately I have been told that this amazing weather we have been having will be short-lived and that I should expect rain soon.
We are looking at attending the Savonlinna Opera Festival next month. It is a great festival where operas are held in a stage built right in the centre of the castle! The tickets are not cheap, but I think it would be worth it all the same. So far, all the shows for Carmen are sold out. My hope is that we find tickets for the Magic Flute.
To make sure I am getting the true Finnish experience, I am also reading a book called "The Egyptian" by Mika Waltari, a very famous Finnish author. So far it has been quite an interesting read. It is about Egypt oddly enough and slaves and Pharoahs. Who knew that the most important Finnish book of the century was based on a land so unlike Finland and in fact so far away. I cannot say that I am enjoying the book too much either. It is dark and full of hardship for the main characters, but then again, many classics are like this so I can not be surprised.
Wow, this update is much longer than I had intended so I will end it here. Stay tuned for the next episode of Sarah's Finnish adventures!
Thursday, May 04, 2006
Hei (means hi)! Yo (means yes)! Kiitos (means thank you)!
Hello everybody! I am now in Finland! Crazy eh? I am living in a great guest house on site and we are 5 km from Suonenjoki, a very comfortable bike ride away.
Today I ran my first RNA gel. It is very similar to the work I have done two summers ago and so I feel quite comfortable so far. The lab is clean and spacious and my supervisor is incredibly caring and nice. I am really grateful for that.
Today I swam in the pond...it still had ice on it. Cool eh? (excuse the pun...teehee) Everyday 5-10 people do this and all it involves is them slipping into the water, paddling for maybe 20 seconds and then hopping out. It is quite invigorating I must admit, but whether or not I pick this up as an everyday routine thing is yet to be determined.
Tonight we are going to go orienteering. This is where they give us a map and a compass and we have to figure out how to get to predetermined checkpoints. My sense of direction is atrocious but hopefully with the help for my housemates, we won't get too lost...unlike yesterday. Yesterday, our one hour hike turned into a three hour hike as we desperately tried to find our way through thick forests and snowed-in paths to get back to METLA (where our house is). But it was an adventure!
This weekend I think I will lie low and get more settled, perhaps read. The library in Suonenjoki is really really nice. Very modern actually. But next weekend perhaps I will start my travels. Any suggestions on where to go? Oulu has Nokia in it, and Tampere has a castle. Choices, choices, choices! (to quote my dad)
Today I ran my first RNA gel. It is very similar to the work I have done two summers ago and so I feel quite comfortable so far. The lab is clean and spacious and my supervisor is incredibly caring and nice. I am really grateful for that.
Today I swam in the pond...it still had ice on it. Cool eh? (excuse the pun...teehee) Everyday 5-10 people do this and all it involves is them slipping into the water, paddling for maybe 20 seconds and then hopping out. It is quite invigorating I must admit, but whether or not I pick this up as an everyday routine thing is yet to be determined.
Tonight we are going to go orienteering. This is where they give us a map and a compass and we have to figure out how to get to predetermined checkpoints. My sense of direction is atrocious but hopefully with the help for my housemates, we won't get too lost...unlike yesterday. Yesterday, our one hour hike turned into a three hour hike as we desperately tried to find our way through thick forests and snowed-in paths to get back to METLA (where our house is). But it was an adventure!
This weekend I think I will lie low and get more settled, perhaps read. The library in Suonenjoki is really really nice. Very modern actually. But next weekend perhaps I will start my travels. Any suggestions on where to go? Oulu has Nokia in it, and Tampere has a castle. Choices, choices, choices! (to quote my dad)
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Assessing my thesis year
So what does my fourth year amount to? One 50-page long report detailing all my adventures into the bodies and brains of hamsters. It was a great experience, some ups and lots downs, but overall, I am glad to say that I have done it.
Unfortunately I have found that this research project has turned more students off research as a career than on, which seems to be counter-productive. What is it about research that does not appeal to people? I can say that for me, after this year's experience, I would not want to work with whole animals and research is looking quite long and tiresome. To focus one's energy exploring such detail is just exhausting!
I would also not want to work with a thesis professor who is never around. How lost I felt at times without some guidance. And when she was around, I felt like she didn't know me, making me uncomfortable and closed off. It is hard to communicate one's feelings of insecurity in research with a relationship like the one I had with my supervisor. Thank goodness I had a pHD student with me. She was marvelous.
So would I want to do research next year? I have a spot in Ottawa's cellular and molecular medicine department secured, as well as the funding. But do I have the stamina? I think ultimately, medicine is my first choice. But who knows, perhaps the decision will not be mine to make. May- the month I hear back from medical schools!
Unfortunately I have found that this research project has turned more students off research as a career than on, which seems to be counter-productive. What is it about research that does not appeal to people? I can say that for me, after this year's experience, I would not want to work with whole animals and research is looking quite long and tiresome. To focus one's energy exploring such detail is just exhausting!
I would also not want to work with a thesis professor who is never around. How lost I felt at times without some guidance. And when she was around, I felt like she didn't know me, making me uncomfortable and closed off. It is hard to communicate one's feelings of insecurity in research with a relationship like the one I had with my supervisor. Thank goodness I had a pHD student with me. She was marvelous.
So would I want to do research next year? I have a spot in Ottawa's cellular and molecular medicine department secured, as well as the funding. But do I have the stamina? I think ultimately, medicine is my first choice. But who knows, perhaps the decision will not be mine to make. May- the month I hear back from medical schools!
Friday, April 14, 2006
Insight with no direction...
Having spent more hours at the Common Ground coffee shop than attending classes this year, it is no surprise that I write this message with the scent of coffee, meat, cheese and pastry on my fingertips. But through all the buzz and activity of the busy student hangout, I find thoughts creeping into my head and it finally sets in that I will not be returning here next year.
It is hard to believe that 4 years of my life have taken place at Queen's, and I wonder if I would have turned out the same regardless of which university I went to. Queen's is great in many respects. Without Queen's I doubt I would have had the Children Visiting Prisons volunteer experience. I would also never have joined the Queen's Asian Cooking Club nor or had a chance at being a part of a very involved student government. I would have never been Don nor would I have ever worked at the Publishing and copy centre. So, of course I owe a lot to this school...right?
I find that no matter what, one regrets. For me anyways, it is inevitable. I talked to an old friend of mine last night and found out that his sister is in Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. What an experience it would have been to go there for university! It is an extremely small university in a tiny, snug town out east. Her classes have between 4-15 students in them. Another friend of mine is going to China this summer for an internship where she will live with her relatives for four months. She will teach her younger cousin english, while her aunt will teach her mandarin. What a perfect arrangement! And though I have had quite a few exciting experiences of my own, I can't help but think of all the things that I am missing out on.
I want to learn mandarin! I wish I could take liberal arts at a tiny, rural, yet very famous university. I would like to continue tap-dancing, learn swing and I would love to learn how to play some jazz piano. I want to perfect my french and my cantonese, while volunteering and being social. All the while, I plan to be in school for the next 4-8 years. How will I balance all that I want to do with the constraints of, well, let's face it, reality and time? How do you decide what matters enough to pursue, and when all is said and done, even though you may be proud of your achievements, do you still not regret?
It is hard to believe that 4 years of my life have taken place at Queen's, and I wonder if I would have turned out the same regardless of which university I went to. Queen's is great in many respects. Without Queen's I doubt I would have had the Children Visiting Prisons volunteer experience. I would also never have joined the Queen's Asian Cooking Club nor or had a chance at being a part of a very involved student government. I would have never been Don nor would I have ever worked at the Publishing and copy centre. So, of course I owe a lot to this school...right?
I find that no matter what, one regrets. For me anyways, it is inevitable. I talked to an old friend of mine last night and found out that his sister is in Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. What an experience it would have been to go there for university! It is an extremely small university in a tiny, snug town out east. Her classes have between 4-15 students in them. Another friend of mine is going to China this summer for an internship where she will live with her relatives for four months. She will teach her younger cousin english, while her aunt will teach her mandarin. What a perfect arrangement! And though I have had quite a few exciting experiences of my own, I can't help but think of all the things that I am missing out on.
I want to learn mandarin! I wish I could take liberal arts at a tiny, rural, yet very famous university. I would like to continue tap-dancing, learn swing and I would love to learn how to play some jazz piano. I want to perfect my french and my cantonese, while volunteering and being social. All the while, I plan to be in school for the next 4-8 years. How will I balance all that I want to do with the constraints of, well, let's face it, reality and time? How do you decide what matters enough to pursue, and when all is said and done, even though you may be proud of your achievements, do you still not regret?
Monday, March 27, 2006
You're looking at the employee of the fortnight!
Wow, the good news just keeps piling in!
I found out today that I got named the "Employee of the fortnight" for the Common Ground! Pretty swell eh?
I don't know what I get with such a lofty title, but when I am a big and famous barrista, I will be sure to remember you all.
Wow, Employee of the fortnight! Such an honour can really get to one's head!
I found out today that I got named the "Employee of the fortnight" for the Common Ground! Pretty swell eh?
I don't know what I get with such a lofty title, but when I am a big and famous barrista, I will be sure to remember you all.
Wow, Employee of the fortnight! Such an honour can really get to one's head!
Sunday, March 26, 2006
Organized sport is fun!
So I went to the gym with my floor today and we played indoor soccer and basketball! It was so much fun. I am not very good, but when you have a very encouraging team, it really gives you the confidence to give it all you've got, no matter how many times you miss the ball, or the net. I hope everyone gets to be in that comfortable of an environment in their lives. It does the body good!
Thursday, March 16, 2006
Recent events for Sarah Chan
1) I raised $363.85 for Cancer research and donated 10 inches of my hair to make wigs for children who suffer from hair loss due to chemotherapy. It feels good to help out a good cause, while at the same time getting the haircut you've always dreamed of! After cutting my hair, they helped style it for free, and I love my new do.
2) I am going to Finland this summer! Well, I better be. I just applied for a residence permit, and have bought my ticket. If all goes well, I shall be on my way Apr. 30th 2006. The work I will do there has to do with extracting DNA from birch leaves and analyzing it. Interesting eh?
3) Things are winding down a bit now. This is a nice feeling. With the extra time I have, I hope to read more and really work on the ukulele!
4) My dance show is coming up! Like last year, I will be doing a number with my intermediate tap dance class. It sure is a good time.
5) I think one of my legs is shorter than the other. I should get this checked out.
2) I am going to Finland this summer! Well, I better be. I just applied for a residence permit, and have bought my ticket. If all goes well, I shall be on my way Apr. 30th 2006. The work I will do there has to do with extracting DNA from birch leaves and analyzing it. Interesting eh?
3) Things are winding down a bit now. This is a nice feeling. With the extra time I have, I hope to read more and really work on the ukulele!
4) My dance show is coming up! Like last year, I will be doing a number with my intermediate tap dance class. It sure is a good time.
5) I think one of my legs is shorter than the other. I should get this checked out.
Sunday, March 12, 2006
Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same
My floor is changing. My friends are changing. And no doubt, my family is changing. I don't think I am changing...but I definitely feel different.
My floor: Everyone was at first very friendly and happy. Rowdy but inclusive. I felt like myself, and I looked forward to interacting with them. Now I think they are starting to branch off, which is great, because that is what everyone should be doing. It is university afterall. And they are also more preoccupied with school. Yet another value that should be a priority anyway. The only problem is I am feeling left behind. As I am the same as I was at the beginning. I have been here for 4 years, what more is there for me to learn?
My friends: I find that there are people you feel an instant connection with, yet perhaps what you think is/was there, is there no more. It is interesting to think that there are people I meet about whom I think "They could be significant people in my life and change me in a good way". But half the time, nothing really materializes. What makes us choose what friends we make and keep? Time? convenience? All relationships, no matter how small, require effort.
Family: I don't contact my immediate family as much as I would like. I shall try hard to change this.
Me: What is new with me? 1) I got my grad photos taken! 2) I am doing cuts for cancer, which requires me to raise money and to cut off 10 inches of my hair to make a wig for children who suffer hairloss from chemotherapy 3) I am on my way to Finland at the end of April. It is official, as I (or my Dad rather...Thanks dad!) have bought my ticket.
Wow, I only have a month of undergrad left. Crazy!
My floor: Everyone was at first very friendly and happy. Rowdy but inclusive. I felt like myself, and I looked forward to interacting with them. Now I think they are starting to branch off, which is great, because that is what everyone should be doing. It is university afterall. And they are also more preoccupied with school. Yet another value that should be a priority anyway. The only problem is I am feeling left behind. As I am the same as I was at the beginning. I have been here for 4 years, what more is there for me to learn?
My friends: I find that there are people you feel an instant connection with, yet perhaps what you think is/was there, is there no more. It is interesting to think that there are people I meet about whom I think "They could be significant people in my life and change me in a good way". But half the time, nothing really materializes. What makes us choose what friends we make and keep? Time? convenience? All relationships, no matter how small, require effort.
Family: I don't contact my immediate family as much as I would like. I shall try hard to change this.
Me: What is new with me? 1) I got my grad photos taken! 2) I am doing cuts for cancer, which requires me to raise money and to cut off 10 inches of my hair to make a wig for children who suffer hairloss from chemotherapy 3) I am on my way to Finland at the end of April. It is official, as I (or my Dad rather...Thanks dad!) have bought my ticket.
Wow, I only have a month of undergrad left. Crazy!
Sunday, February 26, 2006
A weekend in Toronto
So I hit two birds with one stone this weekend. Besides an interview I had at the University of Toronto, I also saw my fabulous sister perform in her musical. And how grand it was! Needless to say, she was fantastic. No wonder she is so busy all the time - she is a superstar:)
Grandma also seemed more adamant than usual with Simon getting married and me getting a boyfriend. And as I was wondering why that was, I came to two conclusions. 1) She is craving for some real excitement. I get the feeling that she lacks that in her life sometimes and nothing does it like a good wedding or 2) It is something hormonal. I always attribute changes in personality and mood with hormones. But then again, at 84 years old, you'd hope that that part of your life would be over. Either way, it was nice to wallow in her presence even though most of the conversation surrounded the two usual topics: food and her fear that I am an obstacle in Simon's way of finding a girl.
The weekend was also filled with good food. I can not remember the last time I ate so well. It is just amazing that you can get a hearty bowl of soup noodle for less than $5. If I lived in Toronto, I wonder what would prevent me from eating out all the time. We also had a great home feast the first night of potatoes, veggies and greek stew. I will miss this extraordinary cuisine as I return to my university diet of cafeteria mystery meat and soggy veggies.
The one thing I love about having been around family is the feeling of being recharged. For example, I have one midterm, a seminar, my thesis paper, a poster and two more interviews within the next week. Do I feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and a little lost? Absolutely! But family gives me perspective, and they give me strength- so to this week I say, "Bring it on!"
Grandma also seemed more adamant than usual with Simon getting married and me getting a boyfriend. And as I was wondering why that was, I came to two conclusions. 1) She is craving for some real excitement. I get the feeling that she lacks that in her life sometimes and nothing does it like a good wedding or 2) It is something hormonal. I always attribute changes in personality and mood with hormones. But then again, at 84 years old, you'd hope that that part of your life would be over. Either way, it was nice to wallow in her presence even though most of the conversation surrounded the two usual topics: food and her fear that I am an obstacle in Simon's way of finding a girl.
The weekend was also filled with good food. I can not remember the last time I ate so well. It is just amazing that you can get a hearty bowl of soup noodle for less than $5. If I lived in Toronto, I wonder what would prevent me from eating out all the time. We also had a great home feast the first night of potatoes, veggies and greek stew. I will miss this extraordinary cuisine as I return to my university diet of cafeteria mystery meat and soggy veggies.
The one thing I love about having been around family is the feeling of being recharged. For example, I have one midterm, a seminar, my thesis paper, a poster and two more interviews within the next week. Do I feel hopeless, overwhelmed, and a little lost? Absolutely! But family gives me perspective, and they give me strength- so to this week I say, "Bring it on!"
Monday, February 13, 2006
Sleep is important
If there is anything I have learned this past week, is that sleep is very very important. And I think what goes along the same lines, is that health is very very important. Today I felt drained and exhausted (a common sentiment of mine this year)and I also felt unmotivated to work or be productive even when I had a list down to my knees of important things to do. I attribute my feelings of fatigue and apathy to not enough bedrest and/or lack of exercise.
So lesson learned: SLEEP!
On a different note, our annual chinese new year dinner went off without a hitch yesterday evening. It was a disappointing turn-out but amazingly run. No glitches, no burnt food, no stressed out members close to tears. I wonder what we did right this time? I made tomato-fried rice with shrimp. Also on the menu were dumplings, spring rolls, black bean beef, thai curry...the list goes on. Needless to say it was a scrumptious feast! It is sad to think that this is my last year here at Queen's and that all this will inevitably come to an end. Sigh... There is only February and March left before exams and then...who knows?
I also wonder what my relationship with my residents will be like after this year. I wouldn't be surprised if I never saw them again. I wouldn't like that of course, because I am surprisingly comfortable around them- even the athletic, popular, good-looking ones- and this is very very rare for me. They engage me, connect with me, challenge me and involve me in ways no other group has ever done. I am actually not in any way excluded here, which has never happend to me before. I really cherish what I have here, and I wonder what will happen at the end of my Donship. In a way, I think that we will part ways and cut ties completely. Afterall, my role in their lives is over and that is that.
I am noticing a dark timbre to this blog. Basically, I am feeling mortality. The mortality of my undergrad, and the mortality of relationships.
So lesson learned: SLEEP!
On a different note, our annual chinese new year dinner went off without a hitch yesterday evening. It was a disappointing turn-out but amazingly run. No glitches, no burnt food, no stressed out members close to tears. I wonder what we did right this time? I made tomato-fried rice with shrimp. Also on the menu were dumplings, spring rolls, black bean beef, thai curry...the list goes on. Needless to say it was a scrumptious feast! It is sad to think that this is my last year here at Queen's and that all this will inevitably come to an end. Sigh... There is only February and March left before exams and then...who knows?
I also wonder what my relationship with my residents will be like after this year. I wouldn't be surprised if I never saw them again. I wouldn't like that of course, because I am surprisingly comfortable around them- even the athletic, popular, good-looking ones- and this is very very rare for me. They engage me, connect with me, challenge me and involve me in ways no other group has ever done. I am actually not in any way excluded here, which has never happend to me before. I really cherish what I have here, and I wonder what will happen at the end of my Donship. In a way, I think that we will part ways and cut ties completely. Afterall, my role in their lives is over and that is that.
I am noticing a dark timbre to this blog. Basically, I am feeling mortality. The mortality of my undergrad, and the mortality of relationships.
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
French debating gone wrong
So I had to give a french debate today...that was an interesting experience. I must admit that I could have, should have better prepared for it. However, I thought I could handle the situation. Turns out I thought wrong...it is really a humbling experience when you think you are competent at something- or that at least you think you should be, having studied it for many years- only to find out that you are actually not very good at it at all. For me, this would be the French language. It is far more difficult than I think, and it is one of the few subjects that I do not do well in, yet enjoy immensely all the same. It is nice to have something like that in your life. Piano was one, French would be the second.
Understanding and speaking a different language is such a challenge, yet has such value as well. It boggles my mind that a whole new culture, a whole new group of people are open to discovery by knowing a new language. Those of you who are fully biligual are lucky people. I am now quite adamant to perfect my french. This means that I will read more french newspapers and listen to more french radio. Hopefully by some amazing form of diffusion, I will absorb the language and impress my teacher when the verbal exam comes around...
Wish me luck! (me souhaite bonne chance!)
Understanding and speaking a different language is such a challenge, yet has such value as well. It boggles my mind that a whole new culture, a whole new group of people are open to discovery by knowing a new language. Those of you who are fully biligual are lucky people. I am now quite adamant to perfect my french. This means that I will read more french newspapers and listen to more french radio. Hopefully by some amazing form of diffusion, I will absorb the language and impress my teacher when the verbal exam comes around...
Wish me luck! (me souhaite bonne chance!)
Saturday, January 21, 2006
"(Un)Forgetable...that's what you are..."
Today my friend asked me, "So what did you do this week?"
And I said, "..."
Yup, it is one of those weeks- the ones where you can not for the life of you remember what you did, though you remember it being really, really tiring.
So what did I do? Well, the only thing that sticks out is that I had my Don evaluation. That was sobering. It really makes you think you aren't doing a good job...not because they told me I was doing poorly, but they didn't praise very much either. They would just say, "you could improve here, here and here..." I dislike evaluations like that because it reshuffles my priorities such that I feel like I must dedicate even more of my time to Don, which I am unprepared to do.
Also, I have realized that I am very bad at french. In class I stutter and when I had to order my transcript over the phone from the University of Montreal, well, let's just say the woman on the other end of the line was not very happy with me.
On a happier note, I am happily perfusing hamsters. Recall that my Biol 537 project involves me opening up a hamster's chest and then sticking a catheter into its aorta. I used to pierce the heart, or have the catheter fall out etc. but I am pretty good at it now and am actually enjoying it. You can tell you did a good perfusion when the brain comes out white. Today was one of those good perfusion days.
And I said, "..."
Yup, it is one of those weeks- the ones where you can not for the life of you remember what you did, though you remember it being really, really tiring.
So what did I do? Well, the only thing that sticks out is that I had my Don evaluation. That was sobering. It really makes you think you aren't doing a good job...not because they told me I was doing poorly, but they didn't praise very much either. They would just say, "you could improve here, here and here..." I dislike evaluations like that because it reshuffles my priorities such that I feel like I must dedicate even more of my time to Don, which I am unprepared to do.
Also, I have realized that I am very bad at french. In class I stutter and when I had to order my transcript over the phone from the University of Montreal, well, let's just say the woman on the other end of the line was not very happy with me.
On a happier note, I am happily perfusing hamsters. Recall that my Biol 537 project involves me opening up a hamster's chest and then sticking a catheter into its aorta. I used to pierce the heart, or have the catheter fall out etc. but I am pretty good at it now and am actually enjoying it. You can tell you did a good perfusion when the brain comes out white. Today was one of those good perfusion days.
Friday, January 13, 2006
Mind over matter
I am happy to say that though I was feeling down and blue this past week. I have picked myself up and am charging ahead in my last semester of undergrad.
Details:
Upon returning to university after two wonderful weeks at home I was feeling quite sullen. I may have been homesick, or just reluctant to realize that all good things must come to an end. Regardless the reason, I felt very sluggish and antisocial as I trudged to class and the lab from my dormitory everyday. After much thought, I realized that I was sad because I had wanted this semester to be more academic. Last semester was fun with my residents, but I was not and am not fully comfortable with having to be so social and happy all the time. I felt as though I was not myself.
Who am I? Well, evidently someone who really likes and misses studying. Though I complained a lot about it last year, I've realized that I am most comfortable as a bookworm. I like the personal focus, the self-discipline and the drive it requires to excel in academia. I like how motivated I feel in the mornings and how productive I feel in the evenings after a long day at the library. I LOVE the library and I like the solitude and the quiet. I like the challenge and the learning.
Basically I found that I longed for quiet study, and for a class that I found stimulating and challenging. Yet I knew that to continue doing a good job as Don, I could not afford to throw myself into my studies. It was making me very upset to think that I would pass yet another term without doing well in academics as my main objective. After all, that is why I am here isn't it?
Well, as troubled as I felt with slacking off last term and potentially this term, I have come to the conclusion, that yes, I miss studying and yes I miss having to be responsible for no one. But what is the use of wishing for something I do not have?? I am living NOW, and my current position is DON right NOW. As such, I am going to cherish the little time I have left of university and throw myself right back into the swing of last semester. I love my residents, that is no question. And so I will continue to talk with them till the wee hours of the morning, and I will continue to vigorously plan events for them that I think they will enjoy. And to do this, I must drop a course this semester, which I will do. I will also take on my Common Ground shifts with a renewed enthusiasm, loving every hour I spend there making sandwiches and hot chocolates.
In summary, academics can wait- I have a whole life-time of it ahead of me. But rediscovering close friends, helping to mold 35 bright young minds...well, though I may not like it, it will do for now.
Details:
Upon returning to university after two wonderful weeks at home I was feeling quite sullen. I may have been homesick, or just reluctant to realize that all good things must come to an end. Regardless the reason, I felt very sluggish and antisocial as I trudged to class and the lab from my dormitory everyday. After much thought, I realized that I was sad because I had wanted this semester to be more academic. Last semester was fun with my residents, but I was not and am not fully comfortable with having to be so social and happy all the time. I felt as though I was not myself.
Who am I? Well, evidently someone who really likes and misses studying. Though I complained a lot about it last year, I've realized that I am most comfortable as a bookworm. I like the personal focus, the self-discipline and the drive it requires to excel in academia. I like how motivated I feel in the mornings and how productive I feel in the evenings after a long day at the library. I LOVE the library and I like the solitude and the quiet. I like the challenge and the learning.
Basically I found that I longed for quiet study, and for a class that I found stimulating and challenging. Yet I knew that to continue doing a good job as Don, I could not afford to throw myself into my studies. It was making me very upset to think that I would pass yet another term without doing well in academics as my main objective. After all, that is why I am here isn't it?
Well, as troubled as I felt with slacking off last term and potentially this term, I have come to the conclusion, that yes, I miss studying and yes I miss having to be responsible for no one. But what is the use of wishing for something I do not have?? I am living NOW, and my current position is DON right NOW. As such, I am going to cherish the little time I have left of university and throw myself right back into the swing of last semester. I love my residents, that is no question. And so I will continue to talk with them till the wee hours of the morning, and I will continue to vigorously plan events for them that I think they will enjoy. And to do this, I must drop a course this semester, which I will do. I will also take on my Common Ground shifts with a renewed enthusiasm, loving every hour I spend there making sandwiches and hot chocolates.
In summary, academics can wait- I have a whole life-time of it ahead of me. But rediscovering close friends, helping to mold 35 bright young minds...well, though I may not like it, it will do for now.
Monday, January 02, 2006
a week of firsts
Who knew I would come out of my first week of holidays excited about snowboarding and piercings? From the sounds of it, one might even think I have taken the path towards youth angst and rebellion. All I need is to dye my hair some crazy colour and I will truly be any parent's worst fear!
How did this happen?
Well, it all started innocently enough. I made my way to Justine's on the 23rd of December where we strolled Toronto's streets looking for good food and great bargains. With Justine I watched the Blueman group- a wild show featuring three blue men, a lot of paint, paper towel and percussion. It could not have been more random. The next day, Simon and our parents then met up with us to take us to Uncle Alex's where more food, energetic kids and caroling were prominent on the agenda. It was quite the ideal Christmas.
Afterwards, my family went to Huntsville where family friends had a timeshare. And this is where the trouble began...
The timeshare was a beautiful chalet that could easily house more than 10 people. It was also 10 minutes from some ski hills which we decided to take advantage of. For three consecutive days, all the kids went to this ski lodge with the mission of snowboarding our bums off. And boy did we ever! Being the first time for Justine and I, all I can say to describe the experience is that it was awesome, exhilirating and well...incredibly painful all at the same time. My muscles and buttocks/knees are still bruised and soar, two days after the whole ordeal. But would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY! It was really that fun:)
The second "first" I experienced, if you will, is that I got my ears pierced! That is right! Though it took a lot of coaxing, family support and rubbing alcohol- I am a proud owner of some swollen earlobes ornamented with turquoise studs. I hope they don't get infected...
So there you have it- a week of new adventures that really, in retrospect, are not that daring at all! But I did have you worried didn't I?
Right now, I am at home in Ottawa sipping tea. It is strange to realize that all the activity is in Toronto now. To see family, both immediate and extended, my parents and I have to go to T.O. I remember years past when Ottawa was the centre of activity. Well, I guess that is what happens when a new year ends and another begins: things change.
Looking back, my 2005 was a great year. I guess all I can wish for now is for 2006 to be even better!
Happy New Year everyone!
How did this happen?
Well, it all started innocently enough. I made my way to Justine's on the 23rd of December where we strolled Toronto's streets looking for good food and great bargains. With Justine I watched the Blueman group- a wild show featuring three blue men, a lot of paint, paper towel and percussion. It could not have been more random. The next day, Simon and our parents then met up with us to take us to Uncle Alex's where more food, energetic kids and caroling were prominent on the agenda. It was quite the ideal Christmas.
Afterwards, my family went to Huntsville where family friends had a timeshare. And this is where the trouble began...
The timeshare was a beautiful chalet that could easily house more than 10 people. It was also 10 minutes from some ski hills which we decided to take advantage of. For three consecutive days, all the kids went to this ski lodge with the mission of snowboarding our bums off. And boy did we ever! Being the first time for Justine and I, all I can say to describe the experience is that it was awesome, exhilirating and well...incredibly painful all at the same time. My muscles and buttocks/knees are still bruised and soar, two days after the whole ordeal. But would I do it again? ABSOLUTELY! It was really that fun:)
The second "first" I experienced, if you will, is that I got my ears pierced! That is right! Though it took a lot of coaxing, family support and rubbing alcohol- I am a proud owner of some swollen earlobes ornamented with turquoise studs. I hope they don't get infected...
So there you have it- a week of new adventures that really, in retrospect, are not that daring at all! But I did have you worried didn't I?
Right now, I am at home in Ottawa sipping tea. It is strange to realize that all the activity is in Toronto now. To see family, both immediate and extended, my parents and I have to go to T.O. I remember years past when Ottawa was the centre of activity. Well, I guess that is what happens when a new year ends and another begins: things change.
Looking back, my 2005 was a great year. I guess all I can wish for now is for 2006 to be even better!
Happy New Year everyone!
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