To be or not to be....Is no longer a question.

It was not meant to be.

So I found out that I didn't get a part in my school musical today. It was a sad and bitter discovery.

I think the problem was that I pinned too much expectation on this audition and on the musical itself. I thought it would bring out of me a creative spirit I never had. I thought it would expose me to a group of people who would become my lifelong friends. I thought it would build within me the great confidence I have been looking for for so long...but alas, this will not be so.

But all is not lost, for through this I have realized something else and that is that being in this musical would have probably not provided me with any of the things mentioned above anyway. I am who I am and I must fight my own battles and persevere over my own struggles. A role in the musical would not have given me the life and personality I have dreamed of on a silver platter, those things I must develop myself. Expectation is a dangerous, dangerous thing. Sigh...yet even in my enlightened state, I do fear it will take me a long time to recover from this rejection.

Hmmmm...Perhaps I will try again next year?