Insight with no direction...

Having spent more hours at the Common Ground coffee shop than attending classes this year, it is no surprise that I write this message with the scent of coffee, meat, cheese and pastry on my fingertips. But through all the buzz and activity of the busy student hangout, I find thoughts creeping into my head and it finally sets in that I will not be returning here next year.

It is hard to believe that 4 years of my life have taken place at Queen's, and I wonder if I would have turned out the same regardless of which university I went to. Queen's is great in many respects. Without Queen's I doubt I would have had the Children Visiting Prisons volunteer experience. I would also never have joined the Queen's Asian Cooking Club nor or had a chance at being a part of a very involved student government. I would have never been Don nor would I have ever worked at the Publishing and copy centre. So, of course I owe a lot to this school...right?

I find that no matter what, one regrets. For me anyways, it is inevitable. I talked to an old friend of mine last night and found out that his sister is in Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. What an experience it would have been to go there for university! It is an extremely small university in a tiny, snug town out east. Her classes have between 4-15 students in them. Another friend of mine is going to China this summer for an internship where she will live with her relatives for four months. She will teach her younger cousin english, while her aunt will teach her mandarin. What a perfect arrangement! And though I have had quite a few exciting experiences of my own, I can't help but think of all the things that I am missing out on.

I want to learn mandarin! I wish I could take liberal arts at a tiny, rural, yet very famous university. I would like to continue tap-dancing, learn swing and I would love to learn how to play some jazz piano. I want to perfect my french and my cantonese, while volunteering and being social. All the while, I plan to be in school for the next 4-8 years. How will I balance all that I want to do with the constraints of, well, let's face it, reality and time? How do you decide what matters enough to pursue, and when all is said and done, even though you may be proud of your achievements, do you still not regret?