So what does my fourth year amount to? One 50-page long report detailing all my adventures into the bodies and brains of hamsters. It was a great experience, some ups and lots downs, but overall, I am glad to say that I have done it.
Unfortunately I have found that this research project has turned more students off research as a career than on, which seems to be counter-productive. What is it about research that does not appeal to people? I can say that for me, after this year's experience, I would not want to work with whole animals and research is looking quite long and tiresome. To focus one's energy exploring such detail is just exhausting!
I would also not want to work with a thesis professor who is never around. How lost I felt at times without some guidance. And when she was around, I felt like she didn't know me, making me uncomfortable and closed off. It is hard to communicate one's feelings of insecurity in research with a relationship like the one I had with my supervisor. Thank goodness I had a pHD student with me. She was marvelous.
So would I want to do research next year? I have a spot in Ottawa's cellular and molecular medicine department secured, as well as the funding. But do I have the stamina? I think ultimately, medicine is my first choice. But who knows, perhaps the decision will not be mine to make. May- the month I hear back from medical schools!
Wednesday, April 19, 2006
Friday, April 14, 2006
Insight with no direction...
Having spent more hours at the Common Ground coffee shop than attending classes this year, it is no surprise that I write this message with the scent of coffee, meat, cheese and pastry on my fingertips. But through all the buzz and activity of the busy student hangout, I find thoughts creeping into my head and it finally sets in that I will not be returning here next year.
It is hard to believe that 4 years of my life have taken place at Queen's, and I wonder if I would have turned out the same regardless of which university I went to. Queen's is great in many respects. Without Queen's I doubt I would have had the Children Visiting Prisons volunteer experience. I would also never have joined the Queen's Asian Cooking Club nor or had a chance at being a part of a very involved student government. I would have never been Don nor would I have ever worked at the Publishing and copy centre. So, of course I owe a lot to this school...right?
I find that no matter what, one regrets. For me anyways, it is inevitable. I talked to an old friend of mine last night and found out that his sister is in Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. What an experience it would have been to go there for university! It is an extremely small university in a tiny, snug town out east. Her classes have between 4-15 students in them. Another friend of mine is going to China this summer for an internship where she will live with her relatives for four months. She will teach her younger cousin english, while her aunt will teach her mandarin. What a perfect arrangement! And though I have had quite a few exciting experiences of my own, I can't help but think of all the things that I am missing out on.
I want to learn mandarin! I wish I could take liberal arts at a tiny, rural, yet very famous university. I would like to continue tap-dancing, learn swing and I would love to learn how to play some jazz piano. I want to perfect my french and my cantonese, while volunteering and being social. All the while, I plan to be in school for the next 4-8 years. How will I balance all that I want to do with the constraints of, well, let's face it, reality and time? How do you decide what matters enough to pursue, and when all is said and done, even though you may be proud of your achievements, do you still not regret?
It is hard to believe that 4 years of my life have taken place at Queen's, and I wonder if I would have turned out the same regardless of which university I went to. Queen's is great in many respects. Without Queen's I doubt I would have had the Children Visiting Prisons volunteer experience. I would also never have joined the Queen's Asian Cooking Club nor or had a chance at being a part of a very involved student government. I would have never been Don nor would I have ever worked at the Publishing and copy centre. So, of course I owe a lot to this school...right?
I find that no matter what, one regrets. For me anyways, it is inevitable. I talked to an old friend of mine last night and found out that his sister is in Mount Allison University in Sackville, New Brunswick. What an experience it would have been to go there for university! It is an extremely small university in a tiny, snug town out east. Her classes have between 4-15 students in them. Another friend of mine is going to China this summer for an internship where she will live with her relatives for four months. She will teach her younger cousin english, while her aunt will teach her mandarin. What a perfect arrangement! And though I have had quite a few exciting experiences of my own, I can't help but think of all the things that I am missing out on.
I want to learn mandarin! I wish I could take liberal arts at a tiny, rural, yet very famous university. I would like to continue tap-dancing, learn swing and I would love to learn how to play some jazz piano. I want to perfect my french and my cantonese, while volunteering and being social. All the while, I plan to be in school for the next 4-8 years. How will I balance all that I want to do with the constraints of, well, let's face it, reality and time? How do you decide what matters enough to pursue, and when all is said and done, even though you may be proud of your achievements, do you still not regret?
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