Mind over matter

I am happy to say that though I was feeling down and blue this past week. I have picked myself up and am charging ahead in my last semester of undergrad.

Details:
Upon returning to university after two wonderful weeks at home I was feeling quite sullen. I may have been homesick, or just reluctant to realize that all good things must come to an end. Regardless the reason, I felt very sluggish and antisocial as I trudged to class and the lab from my dormitory everyday. After much thought, I realized that I was sad because I had wanted this semester to be more academic. Last semester was fun with my residents, but I was not and am not fully comfortable with having to be so social and happy all the time. I felt as though I was not myself.

Who am I? Well, evidently someone who really likes and misses studying. Though I complained a lot about it last year, I've realized that I am most comfortable as a bookworm. I like the personal focus, the self-discipline and the drive it requires to excel in academia. I like how motivated I feel in the mornings and how productive I feel in the evenings after a long day at the library. I LOVE the library and I like the solitude and the quiet. I like the challenge and the learning.

Basically I found that I longed for quiet study, and for a class that I found stimulating and challenging. Yet I knew that to continue doing a good job as Don, I could not afford to throw myself into my studies. It was making me very upset to think that I would pass yet another term without doing well in academics as my main objective. After all, that is why I am here isn't it?

Well, as troubled as I felt with slacking off last term and potentially this term, I have come to the conclusion, that yes, I miss studying and yes I miss having to be responsible for no one. But what is the use of wishing for something I do not have?? I am living NOW, and my current position is DON right NOW. As such, I am going to cherish the little time I have left of university and throw myself right back into the swing of last semester. I love my residents, that is no question. And so I will continue to talk with them till the wee hours of the morning, and I will continue to vigorously plan events for them that I think they will enjoy. And to do this, I must drop a course this semester, which I will do. I will also take on my Common Ground shifts with a renewed enthusiasm, loving every hour I spend there making sandwiches and hot chocolates.

In summary, academics can wait- I have a whole life-time of it ahead of me. But rediscovering close friends, helping to mold 35 bright young minds...well, though I may not like it, it will do for now.